A Father’s Day Tribute

Happy Father’s Day, you half-swass of a dad. Your sperm was a huge contributing factor to my procreation, so despite your pathetic, absent nature, this day is yours. This card is more than you ever gave me, but I am trying to have an ounce of class you never did. I did get this from the dollar section; 99 cents even. And the joke on the front is terrible, so I knew you’d hate it. Something about another tie or lame. Read it your lazy self.

I’m going to see an Indians game with Phillip’s dad later because he actually makes himself present and available. I hate the Indians because you liked them, but I like hanging out with quality male figures. So I’m just going to vandalize all the bathrooms I can get to during the seventh inning stretch.


Anyway, thanks for your pathetic genes. Wish me luck in ever getting in to college with your IQ of a hedgehog and work ethic of rotting tree stump. I’ll leave this at the baseball field the same place you left me for good when I couldn't get a hit at my little league game. Because I don’t have a clue where you are. Come and get it when you have a chance.

*Note: This is fiction.